Although the nature of his birth is highly speculative, scholars believe him to be the illegitimate child of a Sumerian prince born in 1737 B.C. Historians argue on his exact contributions to history, but have noted several references to him from other historical figures, including the Greek historian Herodotus, the Roman author Seneca, and brief mention in the works of Nostrodamus. During the early 1900’s he became an established industrialist in America. However, following rumors of his involvement in several masonic orders, and with the mysterious death of his mistress in 1943 he left for France. In that time he became a founding member of the group S.P.E.C.T.R.E. where he spent over two decades striving towards world conquest and the destruction of long time rival James Bond. Currently he has worked on several major projects, including the institution of several shadow governments, occult incantations, and in his spare time writing, drawing, and maintaining the widely popular Cup of Suffering. This comic, which serves a modern parable for man’s struggle to overcome destiny has been described by many critics as a more open and friendly version of the equally popular, though more mature syndicate “Charlie Brown”. During a rare interview with the BBC in 1998 he described the idea behind the comic as follows: “I try to think of the cup in Cup of Suffering as a symbol of the cup of Christ, and suffering obviously has biblical allusions to Christ and his life. I’ve never actually read the Bible, but I do remember watching Raiders of the Lost Ark one night and really liking it. So I guess I’m just hopeful that people will see this comic and be reminded of how cool that film was.”
Born an orphan, Kubo was found and raised by a colony of lepers. The lepers fed and clothed him, educated him and showed him a kindness and compassion he could never find in the outside world. As soon as the boy grew old enough he fled his hideous benefactors and set fire to their village. Kubo took full advantage of the outside worlds wonders and worked quickly to develop an opium addiction. Shortly afterwards Kubo was stalked by a giant time traveling sunflower which bled mustard through single eye in the center of it’s head. The creature pursued Kubo tirelessly, constantly urging him to assassinate then US president James Garfield. Even after complying his stalker would not leave him alone and finally Kubo gave up opium in the hopes that his assailant would no longer see him of any value without the drugs. The ploy worked and the sunflower left. Deprived of the precious opium he loved so dear a distraught Kubo wandered the globe. The years that followed were turbulent times for Kubo who had a falling out with the Southern hemisphere, and has held that grudge even to this day. Finally after a failed romance with the sea he returned to his native Europe to spawn and then to die. Kubo spent the next seventy years of his life as one of the deceased, until in 1968 he was offered a writing job on the socialist comic: Cup of Suffering. One biographer of Kubo summed up the man in these great words: “I look back on all the wonderful achievements this man produced, and I’m still stunned at how it all began, he was born as an orphan, I just can’t wrap my mind around that, I mean is that even possible?”
Known to some as Daniel and Richard, the most commonly used nickname for this infamous duo is simply “The Twins”. Born from the union of Typhon and Echinda, monsters of ancient Greece. It was not long before the twins began to lure sailors to their deaths with their beauty and songs, sparking a competition between themselves and the legendary Sirens, a competition the Twins failed at miserably. With swift perseverance the Twins were recruited by the Titans in a war for the dominance of Olympus, a war which the Titans swiftly lost. Disheartened but resilient the twins left the realm of the gods to serve as gate watchmen during the Trojan war but were discharged after admitting the hero Odysseus and the Trojan horse. The twins were determined not to be hindered by their mistake and made immediate plans to follow Odysseus on a lucrative and exciting journey back to his home. The journey proved to be a tiresome and tragic voyage however, that lasted ten years. During this time the unfortunate twins were captured by an enraged Cyclops, eaten, and then digested. Although excreted and left on the cave floors, the twins were in good spirits and worked hard to reconstitute themselves over several years. Alive, but still in the den of the enemy that had devoured them, they attempted a daring escape, an escape that failed and they were digested a second time. After several tries the duo did eventually escape to pursue a multitude of fruitless and tedious adventures which led to increasingly bitter disappointments. Although the team has never succeeded in any of their careers, the sheer multitude of their failures, and their self destructive persistence has been the inspiration for three Lifetime channel made-for-tv movies as well as the laughable pair featured in the beloved comic “Gasoline Alley” later renamed Cup of Suffering.
Cup of Suffering is hosted on Keenspace, a free webhosting and site automation service for webcomics.
